It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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