What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
