Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Is it because I queefed?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
