Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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