conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
