i barfeds in our rink
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
