Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
