No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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