My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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