you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
