By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
