Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
