i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
