the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
