Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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