well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
