I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
