I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
