i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
