I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
