he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
