NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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