I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
