she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
