can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
