Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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