Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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