she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
