I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
