the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
