And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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