Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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