Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
