I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
