there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I think people are normalizing furries
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
