there's paper in my vomit.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
