i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
