He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
