I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
