remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
