OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
