If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
