and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
