My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
someone threw a dead crab at me
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
