Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
