Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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