my shit smells like andre
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
