I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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