We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
