Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
