I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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