There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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